Positive Thinking?

It's unbelievable. Why can't I be like all of these girls, that just snap their fingers and they have what they want? I try. I really do. I try to be funny, smart; I even try to be pretty, but is just never enough. I know I shouldn’t complain that much, but I’m sick of always try to be better and no one ever say “thank you” or even help me sometimes, and I’m sick of seeing all these people doing the things that I wanna do.

Last month was the holidays and everyone was traveling and having fun, and I was just here. I just seated in the chair doing nothing that I love. I saw this video last night that says that the word is moving too fast and the opportunities has to be taken while we are young, and all of that crap. And then I started to think that I’m not doing any of this shit. All I do is go to school and look at my empty Instagram to others people pictures and be jealous of them. It’s actually really sad don’t have a life of your own and you have to be stalking people that you wish you had their lives. Argh, all of this is making me so angry and stressed out.

I have this fake number in my phone that I send messages to it and is actually messages/diary, since no one gets them. I keep texting myself and then I realize that all of that was really sad, because that shows how lonely I am, but also made me started to have positive thinking, because I can read the old texts and see how much my mind has changed. I like this messages/diary/ghost-number because when I’m alone at my class, for example, I can text myself, haha, and no one know. I can pretend I’m important like they are… Oh, no. I did it again. I’m envying people.

I wish I had a life, so I can focus on it and stop stalking people I don’t know, from California that always gets what they want.

We came back from the holidays and everyone had stories to tell (but me) and, like always, I was hoping that some cute guy could be in my class. As always, and with my luck, that didn’t happened, but there’s always that half-cute, that even not fixing on my patters is nice to look. Every time I think I’m gonna find a real friend, and we are gonna tell a lot of things to each other and stuff, but as always, my dreams are crashed and all the slutty girls come first, and, because they are mans, I never get close to no one. And then, the only choice I have is to hang out with my only stupid friend that is always trying to push me down. Argh, everything is just so complicated, and at the same time so easy to deal with.